You tell me

Its so cliché to feel butterflies
when your name came out
from the lips of someone special,
But to me, its the other way around.
Whenever you utter my name,
its always because you are mad at me,
or pissed by something.
It just saddens me.
Should it really be this way?
Or the the former?

—————-
For me, I like saying your name actually, instead of an endearment,
Because for me your name is a special word, its like magic in my lips whenever I pronounce it. I guess it will never be that way to you.

2:10 am

I'm up late contemplating life.
Am I that hard on myself?
Am I allowed to be mad at myself?
Is this middle age crises came to soon?
Life's really a hell of a ride. 
But you gotta do, what you gotta do to survive and live your life to the fullest.

Well, probably…

Its just the cringe and self regret of the things I so irresponsibly did. 
From the simple ignoring of someone's opinion to saying no instead of yes. 

What I learn is that,…

Life will teach you that lesson constantly, over and over again until you learned it whole heartedly.

So regrets be dammed,…

You are what you are right now because of those lessons learned.

So,..

Be strong, courageous and never say no to things you really want.
Opportunities rarely knock on the same door twice.

Blank Page

In a world full of grass and trees with different colors and heights I feel lost. 

Like a leaf floating wherever the wind blows and take it, wherever the waves flows and drown it. 

Its like a black hole occur in time and suck everything.

And now I feel nothing, like a blank page without anything.

Freestyle

A Storm Approaching

The sky is dark like a polluted water
While the wind blew cold whispers
As I stare blankly at the window
I realize how unease the birds are
They sense what’s coming.

Trapped

I feel like I was a trapped bird in a tree
With wings I could use as an instrument to escape
The branches that forms as a cage
But I can’t, Im trapped and there’s nothing I could do
I shout and cried as hard as I could
Yet no one heard and come to help.

Sunless Sky

Though the breeze suggest coldness
The clouds turn pink and red and orange
It is definitely sunset
But without the presence of the sun itself.

A good news or not?

How life throws you marshmallows and whole nuts sometimes. Well I don’t know if I could consider the news I’ve received today as a good one or not. I’ve been waiting for how long now and I’ll still be waiting for like a few months. Its just that there are these what if’s in my mind and time is running also Im running out of plans and resources. I don’t know what to do. Oh if life is as smooth and creamy as chocolate syrup I would perfectly dive in. ( and yeah I’m craving for a rocky road ice cream )

Some off day

Sometimes you have those off day. Days you don’t feel great. Days were it seems that the optimism button can’t be turned on and the happiness pill are all drowned in the sink filled with water so they are both useless.
You don’t feel like doing anything even though the sun is shining brightly and triumphantly in the sky, but here you are stock in your bedroom don’t have anything you want to eat or do or drink. Making all the pity questions in your head that you weren’t suppose to be thinking in the first place. I don’t know i just feel so off today.

Oh well by the way i do apologize for not writing in the past months I’ve been occupied by a lot of things. And here I am writing how off my Monday is even though its just half of the day probably later I’ll find a magic wand and turn this off day into a nice one. But certainly I did accomplish writing something today. That would be a great start though.